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“In general, the first year of recovery seems to be the most vulnerable time for relapse,” he says.“It’s important to wait because you’re going to be doing clinical psychological work in the first year which will help you know better if a person is good for you or not.”Dr.But in the sober light of day, beer breath is as about as sexy as excessive Old Spice, i.e. DRUNK-DIALS ARE NOT CUTEIf a guy I'm dating calls me late at night, I'm probably going to answer.Maybe something bad happened and he needs help OR (and most likely) he's just drunk-dialing to tell me the stupidest story ever about running into "his boys" at the Taco Bell late-night drive-through lane. "THAT ONE TIME, I GOT WASTED AND…." STORIESListening to someone become less interesting as they down gin and tonics is one thing. It’s how I unwind, it’s how I socialize, and when I was a teacher, it’s how I de-stressed after work so I wouldn’t flip out on children and get fired. I’m a very open-minded person, but could two such different lifestyles be compatible enough for a relationship? When I was first telling my friends about him I would always save the sober thing for last: Me: Yeah, so he’s surprisingly nice. Do what any self-respecting New Yorker does when he or she has unnerving emotions: drink them away. Sometimes, however, they are sober at their first deliberation, but in this case they always reconsider the matter under the influence of wine.”So, sober decision → drink → get wasted → orgy (optional) → make a new, drunken decision. Next time you’re on that first date and find yourself the only one with a glass of wine, excuse yourself, hop in a cab, and hit the bottle with your friends. But the other day I started to wonder: is sobriety was a legitimate reason to not date someone? I opened up my booze-soaked mind to understanding someone willing subject to alcohol deprivation. She still holds that if he drank he would have calmed the hell down. Does anyone really want to drag someone around to the bars who slowly watches you get wasted with their judgmental eyes? According to Herodotus, “It is also their general practice to deliberate upon affairs of weight when they are drunk; and then on the morrow, when they are sober, the decision to which they came the night before is put before them by the master of the house in which it was made; and if it is then approved of, they act on it; if not, they set it aside.The motto of early recovery is that for at least for six months, you really shouldn’t date.” Turns out there’s solid reasoning behind the recommendation.

Non-coffee drinkers might identify the deal-breaker reaction as a prime sign of addiction, which very well may be true, but I think it points to something deeper: If we are coffee lovers, and many of us are, we aren't just drawn to the drink, we are drawn to the ritual.

"One of the best parts about coffee-drinking is the whole experience of it, which is definitely best enjoyed with someone who gets that," says Helen Williams of Green Girls Eats, who happens to be in the Coffee As a Deal-Breaker category.

"Plus one of my favorite things to do when traveling to a new place is tracking down the best local coffee shop.

I’d like to think that booze and love are not mutually exclusive things — I want them both. But even without his craziness, were there enough problems with me, a drinker, dating a non-drinker — a beautifully fit, handsome, flexible non-drinker? Some normally-sane people get wasted and act in ways that bewilder the be Jesus out of the rest of us. The crazy lurks just beneath the surface — and you have every right to see it. You’ll save yourself countless moments of sober small-talk and be in better, Greek-vetted company (orgy optional).

Before I say anything else, I would like it to be known that I gave this man a real effing chance. Me: Oh, and this is kind of weird, he doesn’t drink. A friend of mine wants to blame it on his sobriety. My advice on this is to do as the ancient Greeks did.




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